electric feel .,

[december van buren]

Life had taken an interesting and unexpected turn for December Van Buren in the last couple of weeks. She'd ended up confessing her deepest, darkest secret to a boy she'd never would have thought would care enough to listen to it. He'd taken her in in a time when she'd really needed it and she couldn't pretend that she wasn't thankful. To be honest, she hadn't known what to expect from him after that day. A lot had gone down and it had left the young woman positively reeling from it. It had started out as simple as a meeting like that could be. He'd offered her a place to stay for the night and she'd accepted. It wasn't like she'd had a master plan to get in bed with him, or anything. She'd even tried to sleep in his guest room. It really hadn't been her fault that it just wasn't going to happen. As if Alex's gentle behavior hadn't been enough to confuse her, the next morning he'd had to raise the stakes by kissing her. She thought a lot about that kiss in the days following. Mostly, she just tried to make sense of it. She'd finally just convinced herself that it hadn't been out of any desire or want. He'd merely been looking for a way to shut her up. Needless to say, it had worked. After Alex had reluctantly taken her home, she'd wondered if he was angry with her, and if he would simply stop talking to her. However, his reaction was quite the opposite. She found that he started calling her almost every day, making excuses so they could hang out, or just generally get her out of her house.

She wasn't stupid. December knew why he was doing this. It wasn't merely because he liked her so very, very much. He was making sure she was home with her father as little as possible. In his own way, this was quite sweet. She'd seen how upset he'd gotten when he realized what was going on and he'd even gone as far as to hate himself for taking her back to it. Really, though, he hadn't had a choice. Ember would never blame him for any of it. But even though circumstances hadn't changed and she and Alex didn't really talk about what happened between them, she did feel a little comforted. She'd feared that their relationship would revert right back to the way it had been, but this hadn't been the case. While they still bickered occasionally, there was just something... softer between them. Alex wasn't as hard on her and she wasn't as fierce with him. They laughed more together, and she actually felt like the young man was turning into a real friend. Still, she knew they were going to have to talk about what happened eventually. It was a lingering tension that they were both pretending didn't exist. They could only pretend for so long, though. Today they had decided (well, Alex had decided) that they would be spending the day at his house, lounging around and making fun of bad television. All in all, it had been a relatively calm day between them so far. They'd managed not to really bicker and even had some pretty nice witty banter moments. At the moment they were sitting on the couch, a respectable distance between them. December's legs were underneath of her and she was playing with a strand of hair as her dark eyes surveyed the television screen. Some ridiculous soap opera was displayed and they'd been ridiculing it for the past twenty minutes.

Suddenly the thought entered her mind to try and gnaw a little at her companion's mind. She was well aware of his drinking problem. As far as she could tell by the time she'd been around him, he hadn't really been messing with it. And, believe you me, she'd paid attention. Maybe this was what he'd meant that night, when he'd told her that she'd helped him. Before now she'd been too afraid to ask. However, she found the words at the tip of her tongue before she had a chance to stop them. "Soooo." She began, trying to sound at least a little innocent. "How goes the party life?" Well, if she was going to ask, there was no need to beat around the bush. She could be blunt when she wanted, and right now, she wanted it.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: believe - the all-american rejects
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: please ignore my fail graphic. i gave up on trying to make it pretty. lol.

[alexander wyatt.]

Alexander had spent more time thinking the past couple of weeks than he had spent in his entire life and that in itself was saying something. Ever since he had found December torn and tattered on the side of the road, his mind had been running nonstop. When he was with her that night, he had been thinking of nothing but how to make her feel safe and at home in a place she had never even been in before. He had tried to keep her as happy as she could be under the given circumstances and only ended up ruining everything the next morning by planting his lips against her own. He wasn't quite sure what he had been thinking. Scratch that. It had been one of the few times the past few weeks that he had not been thinking at all. What started out as a way to merely get her to stop talking had turned into a way to get him completely and utterly confused. There wasn't one day since that morning that he didn't think about that kiss. It was the most abnormal thing in the world for a guy like Alexander: one who took pride in the countless kisses that he had managed to snag away from girls in his short lifetime. This one had been different though and it had been the reason why it had taken him so long to snap out of it and why his hands had stayed on her face for a second too long. He had spent countless time trying to push it out of his mind and forget about it, but it was already hard enough and constantly having December around just made it even harder to forget about.

Things had most defiantly changed for the two of them. Alexander was calling her up a lot more and getting in touch with her to make plans. More than anything, he wanted her out of that house as much as possible. The less time she spent over there where the man who did that to her lived, the better. The first time he called her had been the hardest considering the way their last meeting had went. He was still trying to figure out the last words she had said to him before getting out of the car and he couldn't quite figure out if she was upset with him or not. The second call had been a little easier, the one after that even easier. At this point, Alexander just felt like he was calling up a friend to hang out. It didn't feel so strange anymore. It almost felt like they had been doing this for quite some time. They still had their occasional arguments, but that was something Alexander never wanted to leave completely. That may have sounded strange to anyone else, but it's part of what made their relationship. He could feel the two of them warming up to one another though, despite the fact that he could also feel that small amount of tension that was still there from the night that started all of this. As he lay on the couch a bit of space between the two of them, his feet propped up on the coffee table in front of him, he was forcing himself not to go on and think about any of it. He could when she left, but not now. Instead, Alexander tried to focus on what was upon the screen, occasionally one of them would open their mouth and mock something that was happening.

This time around though, December had opened her mouth to say something completely different. Completely out of the blue. It was safe to say that she had caught Alexander off guard and maybe that was her plan. At her first 'sooo', his head had turned over to face her, eyebrows ruffling slightly as he waited to see what she was getting at. Finally being hit with the question, his head immediately turned back to the television screen. It was a question that he hadn't wanted her to ask. Ever. If he gave her the honest answer that she would surely be happy to hear, he couldn't help but just feel scared about doing something idiotic and letting her down later on. The thought crossed his mind and he lingered on it for a moment, causing him to take a bit of time to finally answer her. But, he finally did and he didn't exactly beat around the bush either. "Nonexistent."

Not more than three seconds later, he turned back in her direction and honesty was burning in his eyes, but you could hear the uneasiness in his voice.

M U S I C , sing me sweet by matt nathanson
S T A T U S , complete!
N O T E S , ohplz. it is not!
C L O T H I N G , over here!!

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[december van buren]

Even though things between December and Alex had changed, it seemed like her home life was cursed to stay the same forever. Luckily for her, her father had pretended like the vase event had never happened. he tended to do things like that. He would be completely furious one moment and acting as if everything were okay by the next day. Sometimes the young woman wondered if he was bi polar or something. However, this meant that he'd pretended that she hadn't stayed out all night, if he even knew that she did. In the days afterward, she'd continued to do her best at avoiding him and it worked out fairly well. After all, she had no time to be around her father when she was constantly out with Alex. As was the young boy's plan. There may have been plenty of reason for Ember to have not agreed to hang out with him so much, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. For one, she often took any excuse she could to be away from her home, and for another, she liked being around Alex. Even with the negativity that they could sometimes have, she still liked him. In fact, she liked him a lot more lately than she had previously. Their one life defining moment really had set a change in motion. It might not have even been built up to its full potential yet, but it was there. December wasn't stupid enough to deny that. What it meant for them, though, she was still unsure. Why was it so hard to get the feeling of his lips on hers form her mind? And why did she care so much what he thought about it? There were so many questions she'd been burning to ask him, but was too terrified to know the answers.

Even the simple question she finally got up the nerve to ask was wreaking all kinds of havoc on her nerves. They'd had a pleasant air between them for a while now and December was loathe to kill it. But she knew that there were certain things that just had to be said. Even if it was just to quell her confused mind. As soon as the question passed from her lips, she felt herself tense up, preparing for anger that she thought might come. There was really no way to gauge Alex's reaction. After all, he'd come to completely surprise her on everything else. At one point in time, she'd thought she had him pretty much figured out. But now she wasn't so sure. Yes, she knew she'd been right that he had a soul and all of that, but the little things were was really got to her. He could be so frustrating sometimes. The brunette found herself holding her breath as he turned away from her and back to the television. The few seconds that passed felt dragged out, but by the time he finally spoke, she felt relief. He'd merely uttered one word, but she'd had to go over it in her head a few times to fully understand it. Nonexistant? Did this mean that she'd actually gotten through to him? Had she really helped him to beat this disease he'd clung so tightly to? December did dare get her hopes up for it. It could have been something else that contributed to it. Something else that had much more impact on his life, though she couldn't imagine what. Unless his mother had found out about it all. But then she imagined that he wouldn't be free to spend all of this time with her if she had. As he probably would have been grounded.

His eyes found hers once again and she saw just how honest he was being. Ember's heart leaped at the knowledge. If he truly had quit all of that nonsense, it would mean quite a few things. That she didn't have to worry about him quite so much, and that maybe, just maybe, she had some sway over him. When she got annoying enough, that is. She did have to wonder how hard it had been to admit this, though. Alex didn't like to say things like this. She couldn't help the small smile that crept up on her features. Finally, the young girl spoke again. "Really?" She couldn't help it, it was just very surprising. Even if this was a good thing, she hadn't thought it would happen. Not so easily, anyway. Of course, following him to a party and arguing with him after having been hit on by some drunk college guy wasn't December's definition of easy. But she'd thought she would have to argue with him over and over until he finally got it. "Well, I'm happy for you. Really. You're so much better than that." It was her turn to be honest as she spoke again. She meant every word she said. Alex was better than that. he was better than all of that crap he subjected himself to. And she'd probably never know why he felt he needed to in the first place.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: believe - the all-american rejects
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: please ignore my fail graphic. i gave up on trying to make it pretty. lol.

[alexander wyatt.]

Alexander wasn't the kind to be constantly getting nervous. Actually, he rarely got nervous at all. Or scared for that matter. Maybe he did occasionally, but he had certain become an expert at pushing the feeling away and continuing to move forward. December Van Buren had made him feel more nervous and anxious in the past few weeks than he had in his entire life combined. More confused than ever as well. He hadn't expected that kiss to stir up so much in his mind, but it had and now he had to deal with it. More than anything, he found himself wanting to figure out exactly what she was thinking about it and how she had felt about it; if she even still gave any of it a nick of thought or if she was truly pissed off about it. For some reason, Alexander didn't believe that she was thinking about it nearly as much as him. He didn't even believe that she still thought about it in the least in any way like confusion. Maybe she simply thought about it because she saw him fairly every day and she was still upset about it. It was another reason that he tried his best to just move forward from it. If he could, he would have by now. But, it was impossible to explain how he felt whenever he looked at her anymore. He found himself wanting to do it all over again and while he was sorry for having kissed her the way he did, he wasn't so sure he would go and take it back.

Alexander was surprised she had suddenly asked such a question, but at the same time, he couldn't be so surprised whenever December did these things. It was only a matter of time before she had asked. After all, after going through all the trouble of following him to a party and yelling at him once she caught him in the act, she must have cared and that only meant she wanted to keep up with the situation. When he said the one, simple word that would answer her question completely, Alexander wouldn't have been surprised if she pushed the matter or didn't believe him. He expected the latter more than anything. Why should she believe him, anyway? Time and time again he had proven to be a liar. At this point, he didn't even deserve to be believed. "Really?"

Normally, a person in his situation would have probably nodded immediately, but Alexander didn't nod or say anything for a good minute. He wasn't going to tell her how the evening of the day he had driven her home he had been more worried than ever and been so tempted to have a drink just to relax his nerves that he nearly brought his fist to another wall. Would he be lying if he nodded? He technically hadn't taken the drink, but he had really wanted to. Slowly, he gave her two nods. Shifting on the couch to face her, his left leg was crossed on the couch and right leg was hanging off the edge with his foot touching the ground, his left arm swung up over the back of the couch.

An incredibly small smile tugged at the corners of his lips when December told him that he was better than that. "You know.. I have you to thank for that."

[/color] His voice was smooth and for the first time, he didn't have any trouble saying something like the out loud, unlike before when he was stuttering and constantly screwing up his words. "If it weren't for you.. I would probably be a dozen times worse right now."[/color] His voice had certainly taken a drop in volume, honesty dripping with every word that he said. If she had to believe anything that he said, he wanted to make sure that she believed him when he spoke about that. "I've wanted to."[/color] He said so suddenly it was almost surprising. But, he wasn't going to tell her how often he wanted to or how soon he had really wanted to. "But.. I don't know.. I -- "[/color] There you go. It was only a matter of time before he couldn't get his thoughts processed correctly. "I just haven't. That's all."[/color] Alexander's eyes had never left hers the entire time he spoke, or at least he tried to not allow them to stray away as much as possible. For the most part, he had succeeded, but as soon as he started screwing up what he was trying to say, his head would look down and away from her occasionally. He didn't know why he had so much trouble talking to her. Maybe because he was finally realizing that she was getting him to talk. It was slowly becoming impossible for him to keep anything from her.

M U S I C , catalyst by anna nalick.
S T A T U S , complete!
N O T E S , oh gosh! i need to go get ready for school!!
C L O T H I N G , over here!!

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[december van buren]

If there was one thing that December was good at in life, it was lying. She'd become so used to it with the way things went with her family that it was only second nature. She found that the lies came out swifter and easier than the truth. Not many people would have guessed the young girl for a practiced deceiver, but maybe it was because she never used it for evil. Meaning, she didn't lie about cheating on a boyfriend or trashing a friend's reputation. She just wasn't that type of person. Though, when it came to personal things, the actions of her family, or matters of her heart, she was closed off and defensive. Which was why it had come as such a shock to her that she'd admitted to Alex what had happened. And she'd done it so quickly, too. She didn't know why she'd done it, why she hadn't been her same old stubborn self. Maybe he had just caught her at the right (or wrong) time. Her defenses had been down and she'd been very vulnerable. Vulnerable wasn't a word she liked to associate with herself. In fact, she hated it. Alex should have found himself lucky that she'd opened up to him the way she had. She couldn't make sense of it, much like everything else that had gone on during that meeting and she was tempted to stop trying. It was only causing her more confusion, the more she thought about it. Maybe she should just try to forget about it an move on. However, it was much easier said than done. And really, she didn't want to forget about it. Just because it was confusing and strange didn't mean she should push it out of her mind completely. Because really, she would much rather just have the mystery solved.

December's question had tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop it and she was almost afraid of the answer. Just because it didn't seem like he was still up to his terrible ways, didn't mean he wasn't. Though, she was hoping it did. And when he answered, she couldn't help but feel victorious. Not that she felt it had been all her doing. She was just glad that he'd decided to try and overcome it. In the silence that followed her one word question, she waited for his answer, wondering if he would just say that he'd been lying. A few weeks ago, she wouldn't have bee surprised if he had been lying. But now, now she wasn't so sure. When he finally nodded, her smile widened slightly. Good, good. This was good. She watched as he shifted to face her and she found herself unconsciously moving to face him as well. Her dark eyes watched his intently, sparkling with curiosity as he began to speak again. It took her a couple of seconds to process what he'd said. He had her to thank for it? She couldn't help but shake her head slowly, averting he gaze for a few seconds before it inevitably came back to him. When he continued, she felt a very small blush rise up on her cheeks. She hadn't realized he thought she'd helped him so much. But she wasn't unhappy about it, not at all. "I don't know about that. You underestimate yourself." She spoke in a quiet voice. Maybe he would have been worse, maybe not. She didn't think that he didn't have to capability to pull himself out of it. Though, she wondered if he did.

He spoke again and she was almost surprised by his honesty. He'd never opened up to her like this before. It was, well, it was flattering. Why her? Perhaps the other night had meant more to him than she'd first thought. December's eyes were fixed on him, even when he began to stutter and look around almost nervously. Her smile was warm and soft as she parted her lips once again. "It doesn't matter that you wanted to. I mean, of course you'll want to. It only matters that you didn't. And I... I'm proud of you for that." She didn't see the point in not letting him know. Even he was being open about everything, why shouldn't she do that same? Besides, she wanted him to know that it was a good thing that he was trying to stop. Because it really, really was.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: beautiful disaster (live) - kelly clarkson <33
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: d'awwwww.

[alexander wyatt.]

While December and Alexander had a few things in common that mainly consisted with the way that they were both incredibly stubborn, determined, independent people, it was their differences that made them really very different from one another. They were both capable of keeping things to themselves and hiding certain events and person things to themselves, but the main difference between their lying was that December didn't use it for bad. That was the only way that Alexander knew how to use it. He couldn't even remember the amount of times that he had simply gone into a relationship purely to get some benefit of his own for it and how many times he had turned around and cheated on a girl who thought that maybe, just maybe, he had changed for them. He lied in his relationships, he lied to strangers he was trying to get in bed with him, he lied about his alcohol problems, and he lied about things that weren't even worth lying about. That was what made the two of them different. December wasn't that kind of person and while somewhere deep inside he wasn't exactly that kind of person either, at this point, he had grown so used to it he wasn't so sure he could be another person. He had proven to be able to change himself whenever he was around the girl at his side that night, but he wasn't so sure how he would act if it was anyone else right there. If anything, his hands would have probably been around her and he would already be whispering sweet nothings in her ears and slowly reeling her in.

While Alexander had been hoping that they wouldn't be having this conversation for quite some time, hoping more that it would be never, once she had finally asked there was something in the back of his mind that was glad she had. Just nodding had gotten a smile out of her and he would never quite be able to explain how that made him feel. It was just a feeling that he couldn't quite place a finger on. The second that he even mentioned thanking her, he caught the way that she shook her head slowly and it only caused him to shake his head back at her. Alexander stopped and pretty soon his lips had a small grin tugging at them when his eyes gazed over the very light blush that had risen in her pale cheeks. "When I do underestimate myself, it's because I deserve it.. It's just.. That night, I guess you knocked some sense into me.. Or I just didn't like seeing you so.. I don't know. Disappointed."

He was already talking too much. He needed to stop. After realizing exactly what he had said and just how much he was talking, he suddenly adverted his gaze away from her again. It felt so strange to him to one day be holding back as much as he could from her and not much longer be spilling out whatever first came into his mind. He rapidly losing control and he hated it.

When he finally got the nerve to look back over to her, spotting that smile on her lips, he couldn't help but feel like a bit of a fool. He must have looked so stupid to her, suddenly talking more than he should, messing up his words occasionally, who knew if he was even making any sort of sense to her. Despite the fact of how stupid he felt, he listened to what she said and he was glad that he was paying attention, because he wasn't so sure he would ever hear something like that coming from anyone's mouth again. Alexander's expression dropped, his jaw even fell slightly. It wasn't because he was upset, more because he was a bit shocked. Grateful. But, shocked. "Thank you."

[/color] He finally managed to spit out, giving her a small smile. "I'm not sure what I did for you to have the patience to stick around this long but... but, I'm glad you did, Ember."[/color]

M U S I C , 2 1/2 men.
S T A T U S , complete!
N O T E S , sorry this is kinda poopy.
C L O T H I N G , over here!!

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[december van buren]

It was funny how both Alex and December were itching to find out what the other was thinking. After all, it would just be so much easier if at least one of them could get inside the other's head for a few minutes. How many questions would be answered? Both of the young teens were just too stubborn or afraid to simply ask the questions. It may have been the easiest thing for them to do, but if you knew them, you'd know that they didn't always take the easy way. Especially when pride was at stake. For December, she was more concerned about preserving a friendship that she'd never thought would run this deep. Now that she and Alex were starting to get along fairly well, she didn't want to ruin it with could be's and what if's. Still, there were so many things left unsaid, and so many questions that she just needed to know the answers to. Was it worth the risk to just put caution to the wind and go for it full throttle? Not to mention that she was becoming confused about the way she felt about him. She'd always liked him, even when he was being a smart ass who didn't know when to stop. There was just something about the guy that had always gotten under her skin. However, lately it seemed that whatever that something was was digging deeper and deeper. Was this a good thing, or was it a bad thing? She'd thought about not being around him so much. Maybe then she would have time to figure things out. But every time he called and invited her somewhere, she just couldn't bring herself to say no. She found that she'd started looking forward to seeing him. And finding out what kind of trouble they were going to get into.

Her simple question had been the first step on the road of finding out all of the answers she needed. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard. Then again, this was probably the least personal question to ask him. As it was merely about his health, and not her emotions. Those questions would be a little bit harder to form, she imagined. December could help but like the smile that had formed on his lips. A small yank of the heart took her by surprise and she tried to push it away. Why was him smiling at her affecting her so much. It was just a smile, after all. And not the first one he'd ever given her. This kid was driving her crazy. The blushing, the strange heart yanking. It was just all too odd. But she couldn't bring herself to leave it. His words didn't help the situation, either. She fought the urge to roll her eyes as he said he deserved to be underestimated. He didn't, and she knew that. But apparently he didn't. Though, it didn't matter at the moment. Besides, she'd gotten distracted by what flowed out of his mouth only seconds after that. Why should it matter to Alex if she was disappointed? No offense to him, but plenty of people were disappointed in him. Why should she be any different? The young woman was about ready to take him by the shoulders and shake him to get him to stop being so confusing. Instead of doing that, she merely averted her gaze, trying not to blush even more. Stupid feelings. "Well, I'm glad I could help. Maybe I should be disappointed in you more often." She gave a small laugh, trying to cover up the awkwardness she felt at his revelation.

Finally, she was able to look back to him as she spoke again. December wasn't sure what he would make of her statement. He probably didn't hear it often, not from people like her. Though she had a feeling it was exactly what he needed. If someone were just to let him know that he wasn't a complete screw up, maybe he would have more reason to change. Even if shouting at him had worked one time, it didn't mean it was the only method she could use. As she saw his expression change, she was almost concerned for him. But then she realized it was just surprised. She bit her lip to hold back a smile. When he spoke again, the lip biting failed and the smile formed on her lips, anyway. "You're welcome." She responded. Well, what do you know? He was the one thanking her now. She felt like patting herself on the back, but decided against it for obvious reasons. She didn't want the boy to start thinking she was crazy. It definitely wouldn't help her cause. She shrugged lightly at his next words. "I'm not sure, either. It's just... I don't know. You're... different. Not in a bad way or anything. Just... different." Okay, now she was just sounding like a complete idiot. She had to move her gaze to the couch, hoping that he didn't think her stupid for saying such a thing. Did it even make any sense?

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: lo que soy - demi lovato
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: geeze, december. quit your yapping and make out with him already.

[alexander wyatt.]

If either one of them was even the slightest bit capable of asking questions about things that went a little deeper than their conversation now, then they probably wouldn't have been sitting there with their minds drowning in confusion. Alexander too was completely incapable of opening his mouth and mentioning exactly what had happened between them. If he had been able to do that and get something out of her, their conversation right then would have most likely been rather different. But, he hadn't and neither had she, so they remained confused and he remained thinking that at this point she was well over the kiss and it was no big deal anymore. He hated this. He hated feeling like he had absolutely no control over his emotions. Usually, he was one hundred percent capable of putting on that cold exterior and moving about his day as smoothly as he could by shooting around witty remarks and being a pain in the ass. Now he just didn't even know how to compose himself anymore. For the first time, he actually felt weak about the entire situation. He needed to know what December had thought about all of it or if it was all just blowing completely out of proportion in his mind. Maybe he had simply been imagining the way they had looked at each other for those short seconds that he didn't seen to manage to find the strength to pull away from her completely. But, he didn't think he had and while he was confused, Alexander still had that arrogant and confident part to himself. Slowly, he was trying to force himself to believe that it hadn't just been him. Keyword: slowly. And slowly meant damn slowly.

It wasn't like he was sitting there thinking 'why wouldn't she like me? why wouldn't she still be thinking about the kiss? i'm alexander fucking wyatt.' No. That wasn't the case at all. Mainly, he was just trying to convince himself that he wasn't completely mental. It was driving him crazy that he couldn't seen to form a proper sentence whenever she was around, which was so frequently this past span of time. Even just seeing her smile was enough to get him to feel things he hadn't felt before. "I just hope I don't give you reason to be."

He responded almost instantly to her words, his voice softer than it had been before, but still completely audible. What was he doing? Why did he care so much about whether or not she was disappointed in him and why was he opening up to her like this just because she had asked him that one simple question? A question that he could have very easily avoided somehow or turned into some sort of heated debate just to get out of it. He was losing all self-control and along the way, he was also losing his common sense. The longer he sat there staring at her, talking to her and listening to her words, the more rapidly he could feel it all slipping away from his fingertips. It was incredible how he was barely even trying to grasp on in the first place.

For some reason, December's opinion of him did matter. Normally, it was something that Alexander just let slide right off his shoulders, but it was beyond different from her. Just like seeing her disappointed had gotten to him, hearing her say that she was proud of him had the same effect, just in a different way. She was tugging at his heartstrings and she probably didn't even realize it. Returning her smile, he listened as she tried to get through her next words as well. It was actually rather comforting to him to see that she was having a bit of trouble forming them occasionally as well. It didn't make him feel so ridiculous. They weren't used to his opening up to one another thing, it was going to take some time to get used to. Even when she finished what she said, Alexander sat there in completely silence. His chocolate brown eyes didn't look away from her, but merely scanned that perfect face of hers. His heart was practically pounding against his chest as he tried to resist doing anything he would regret later on along the line. But no matter how much he tried to shrug it off, no matter how much he tried to control that undeniable urge.. He just couldn't. It wasn't as inappropriate as before and it was only going to add more confusion to everything, but for a split second, he didn't even care. His right hand had come to her cheek suddenly, thumb grazing it gently. "As long as it's not a bad kind of different.. I'm alright with that."

[/color] It was the only sort of response he gave her before closing the gap between them again. She could call him an idiot, slap him for doing this all over again and storm out of his house. Or she could kiss him back, which part of him felt like it could happen. The part of him that was nearly almost always mistaken. But this time, he didn't dare pull away as soon as he had the last time. This was probably going to be the last time he ever got the chance to do it and he wasn't about to give it up.

M U S I C , the middle by demi lovato.
S T A T U S , complete!
N O T E S , tehehehe..
C L O T H I N G , over here!!

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[december van buren]

December did have to admit how strange it was to know that Alex paid enough attention to her to really care when she was unhappy with him. Or just unhappy in general. She could remember a time, not so long ago, when he would make her unhappy on purpose. Granted, it was merely irritation or annoyance. It wasn't like he tried to make her cry or anything. In fact, the only time he had ever seen her cry, he'd been the gentlest she'd ever known him to be. Still, this was different than that. It was almost as if he wanted to make her happy. This was something she wasn't used to at all. Strange as it was, she was starting to really like it. Most of her feelings towards Alex these days were positive, and even though it was new to her, she was glad for it. December had never really like dwelling on negative emotion, anyway. Then again, she was wondering if they were too positive. Ember liked a lot of people, but not the way she was starting to like Alex. And it was scary. There were so many things that could go wrong. So many details that could destroy everything. The young woman was very careful when it came to her heart, and she wasn't going to be opening it up all willy nilly. Even if he had been exceedingly kind to her and taken her in when she'd needed it the most. It didn't change who he was, it didn't change who her father was, and it definitely didn't change who she was. Her biggest fear was being treated like shit, and getting her heart broken. Was that something that Alex would do? December wasn't really sure of anything, anymore. Least of all, that.

Still, it was nice to be in this position with him. It was something they weren't used to, and they were learning how to deal with it together. She couldn't help the smile at his words. She certainly hoped he wouldn't give her anymore reason to be disappointed. All he had to do to keep her happy was to stay on the path he'd finally chosen. Going back to the alcohol would be a surefire way to let her down. Ember had a feeling that he already knew that. Was that enough to give him the determination to stay sober? She could only hope that it was. She didn't want to see him on the news one day, just another tragic loss to the demon that was alcohol. In fact, the very thought of it was enough to put a frown on her face. She pushed it from her mind, not wanting to ruin the mood and continued with the conversation. As she stuttered out her response, she couldn't help looking down. However, in the moments that followed, the silence on his end cause her to push her gaze back to his. What was he thinking? Had she said something wrong? She studied him, studying her and something began to shift in the air. She couldn't quite place her finger on it, but it was there. Quite suddenly, he was much closer to her, his hand gently brushing her cheek. She could do nothing but stare back at him. He spoke, and she barely heard what he said. Her heart was pounding too loudly in her ears for it to be any kind of clear. Some tiny voice in the back of her mind told her that she should pull away and change the subject, though she was immobile, unable to do what it asked of her.

And then that small gap between them was gone. His lips pressed to hers for the second time in two weeks. This time was different, though. She could tell from the very second it started. He didn't pull away so quickly and after a second, she felt herself kissing him back. All reason had gone from her mind as she lost herself in the feeling of the kiss. Something about it just seemed so... right. Who was she to deny that? Before too long, though, her emotions were put back in line as her rational thoughts came barreling back to her. She pulled away, pushing herself back a few inches on the couch. Her eyes met his for a split second before they fell to the fabric. What had she just done? She was so stupid. Why hadn't she slapped him for even trying it, storming out of the house in a complete rage? This was the second time he'd done it, and the second time she hadn't done anything about it. But this time she wasn't just going to walk away. She needed answers. And she needed to make sense of this feeling that had been brewing inside of her. "Do you keep doing that just to torment me?" She asked in a low, almost sad voice. It almost felt as if he was just trying to play with her heart the way he'd done it with so many other girls. She couldn't fool herself into thinking that she was any different. Not anymore.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: from where you are - lifehouse
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: awwwwwww. DX

[alexander wyatt.]

Alexander paid more attention to things than people thought he did. He was capable of keeping his eyes opened and taking in those little details that other people didn't even take the time to notice. The only thing was that he didn't bother to put what he learned into any good use. No matter how much he took in, he was an expert at letting it slide right off of him. It was different when things came to December, though. It was always different when things came to December. Whenever he noticed something was wrong with her, it bothered him. Probably a lot more than it should have. Granted, he did purposely try to get her annoyed and irritated on purpose like it was some sort of game, but that was different. That was simply him poking fun and being a pain in her ass while he did it. If he ever actually hurt her, he wasn't so sure that he would feel too proud of himself for it. At this point, things had changed for the two of them in ways that were going to change everything. The night that started it all and the past two weeks that they had spent together had blended together into some things that he was never going to forget. Alexander wasn't even sure he was capable of acting like he could forget about it, not that he even really wanted to at this point. But, it also meant one bad thing. Either it would allow them to grow or some pillar would collapse along the way and ruin everything. Only time would tell. Like always.

While Alexander was truly grateful to be in this position with her, he wasn't so sure exactly what she had thought about it all. Sure, December had agreed to hanging out with him all this time, but did she actually believe that Alexander was changing? He could never be sure, but he doubted it. For some reason, he felt the urgent need to do whatever he could to prove to her that he was. For her, at least. If staying sober kept her proud, then he was gaining more from shoving that aside than he was from continuing with it and being able to feel numb for even just a few hours. But, as the conversation slowly died down, there was no doubt that the air around them as changing as well. Their eyes were glued to each other and for a short moment it seemed like if the walls came crumbling down around them they wouldn't move an inch. When Alexander brought his hand up to her cheek and she didn't pull away from it, it seemed like he was just being pushed in the wrong direction. Alexander had already grown to realize that he couldn't read December and the first time that he actually felt like he was seeing something coming from her, he couldn't have been more wrong about it. He didn't know that yet and he didn't know it for quite a bit of time.

Finally Alexander had done what he had been wanting to do since the last time he kissed her, but this time he didn't feel like he was going to get in trouble for it. Because when their lips gently collided together, his eyes closing softly, it couldn't have felt more right. That in itself was saying something. For Alexander a kiss was just a kiss and this time it was a thousand times different. The reassurance he needed that what he was doing was okay was given to him the very second that she kissed him back. It was only a matter of time before things went spiraling downhill though. After all, good things have to come to an end, right? His eyes opened immediately as he felt her lips moving away from his own and just looking into her eyes for that split second before she looked away was enough to get his heart dropping. Hearing her voice ring through his ears, his eyebrows came together slightly in confusion at her words. "What?"

He asked her, his voice almost in disbelieve. "Torment you?.. Of course not, December."

[/color] He paused for a moment shaking his head slightly, "I'm not like th -- ."[/color] he had to cut himself off before he made someone laugh. He was like that and he knew it. But for some reason, the thought that December thought he was just messing around with her.. Well, he would have much rather just received the slap in the face. His mind wandered away in thought for a short moment. Torment? She was the one who had kissed him back. If she didn't want this, then what was she doing? At this point, he was wishing that he had just gotten slapped. "What the hell.."[/color] He muttered softly under his breath, not even realizing that he had said it out loud as he tried to sort out everything he was thinking in his mind.

M U S I C , naturally by the selena girl.
S T A T U S , complete!
N O T E S , awwwhh.
C L O T H I N G , over here!!

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[december van buren]

As much as Alex had proved to December in the last few weeks that he could be a kind-hearted soul with the right motivation, it didn't mean that he'd changed completely. Something she knew very well. There was a small part of her heart that believed that anyone could change if they wanted to. Nobody had a set destination in life. You had every chance to be what you wanted to be. However, not everyone took this chance. Was she to believe that Alex had taken it just because of one night of kindness? As much of an optimist as she could be, she wasn't naive. There was more reason to believe that he was exactly the same. She knew how he was, she knew what he did to woman who thought he'd changed for them. People talked and December made sure to listen whenever it came to her friends. She'd always known that he was a good person deep down, but it didn't mean he was good with women. Something he'd proved time and time again. Before, she'd never bothered to really try and scold him too much. After all, it wasn't her place what he did with women. Still, it didn't mean she approved of it in any way, shape, or form. It was wrong, and they both knew it. He treated them like pawns, something he could play with to tickle his fancy and then toss out whenever he got bored with them. How long would it take him to get bored with her? She'd been avoiding that question in her mind for a while now. But it seemed it needed to be answered. She wasn't going to let him stomp all over her heart. She hadn't fallen for his fake charms and wiles. Or maybe she had.

Maybe all of this was just a ploy to get in her pants. The thought sent a pang to her heart. Would Alex really do that to her? He'd told her that she was different, just like she'd told him that he was different. But had he really meant it? Or unlike her, had he just been saying what he thought she wanted to hear? In the few moments that their lips moved together in what seemed to be a perfect rhythm, she wanted to believe that this was the right thing. That they'd really been waiting their entire lives for this moment. But when she pulled away and reality caught up with her, she had to think that she was very wrong. This was Alex Wyatt in front of her. As much as she wanted him to be, he wasn't the perfect gentleman she'd always hoped would put her in a position similar to this. No, it was just Alex. If she didn't know what she knew about him, that would be okay. But the fact remained that she knew a lot more than she wanted. And it was keeping her from being any sort of happy at this moment. Which was really sad, if you thought about it. This was technically December's first real kiss. Sure, this boy Timmy had kissed her in the second grade. But that didn't really count. It hadn't been near the same, and it definitely hadn't had the same effect on her. This kiss had only added to the questions in her head. She needed to know why he was doing that, why he was playing with her emotions so much anymore. Was it just some sick game for him?

She kept her gaze glued to the couch as she spoke, hoping that he'd have some fantastic answer for her that would put all of her fears to rest. While he didn't exactly say yes, it still didn't do what she'd hoped. Even though he stopped himself, she knew where he'd been going with it. The sad part was, he really was like that. With every girl who'd ever had the misfortune of getting caught up with him. At his 'what the hell?' she looked up, a certain determination on her features. "I don't know. You tell me. Am I just another one of those girls to you? Someone you think you can toy with? Because, let's get one thing straight. You're not going to toy with me. I don't care who you are. So tell me right now. No mind games or crap charm to try and win me over." She paused, making sure she was looking him dead in the eye. "What do you want from me?"

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: midnight romeo - push play
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: oh snap.

[alexander wyatt.]

December was right to believe that he hadn't changed completely. Truth was, nobody could ever change that fast. Alexander had grown incredibly used to his ways at this point. He had had to program his mind differently to be the cold creature that he seemed to be, it was natural for him at this point. There was no way that he could flip it all around completely because of one night; no matter how big that night was or how much it had meant to him. Even if he had an incredible amount of motivation, there was no telling how long it would take him to snap back to his usual self. There was no telling if he even wanted to snap back to his usual self with anyone but with December. Why should he? Nobody else was giving him any other reason to change. It was all coming around to bite him in the ass. All of that time he spent with this attitude being thrown at people was now coming to show him a lesson. While it had all seemed smart to do then, maybe things would be running a little differently if he hadn't done any of it. Maybe if he had approached December in a completely different way the first time he laid eyes on her, this very moment would have been flipped and been handled completely differently. Maybe Alexander wouldn't be so shaken up by the fact that he was actually finding himself falling for someone. Legitimately falling for someone for the first time. it was the only way to be able to explain it. What else could describe this feeling?

This definitely wasn't some sort of evil plan that Alexander had come up with the second he found her on the side of the road. Actually, it was the furthest thing from a plan. He didn't even know what he was doing besides just going with the flow. He was barely even thinking twice about what was happening at that moment let alone what was going to happen the next day or in a few more days. There were way too many thoughts running through his mind and the only thing that he could seem to settle on that he knew for sure was that the kiss meant something. Whether December wanted to admit it to him or not or vice versa; it did. He could feel it and he knew this time around that he wasn't the only one. He wasn't trying to screw her over or gain something from her like he tried so many times with other girls. That was his intention at all, even if she had every right to think it was. Watching her as she kept her eyes completely glued to the couch, Alexander didn't even know how to compose himself anymore. The first time she could let it slide, but the second time.. He wasn't so sure about anything anymore. The more he looked at her, the more confused he got. She had kissed him back. What was she so upset about? Why had she kissed him back in the first place if she was going to throw this at him afterward?

As December looked back up at him, he realized that he had said those words out loud and shook his head slightly, but didn't say anymore more. He didn't know what was coming in his direction, but there was no going back now. His expression didn't falter as she spoke to him. All of this was just another reason Alexander was a fan of December. The fact that she didn't let anyone mess with her, no matter who you were or who you thought you were. What kind of idiot would he have to be to truly try and get something out of her and actually think he could get away with it? This was December Van Buren for goodness sake. When she asked him so sternly what he wanted from her, his eyes didn't break away from hers, but simply bore into her own just as hers were doing to him. He stayed that way for a few seconds. Just thinking. "I'll tell you what I don't want.."

He finally found his voice and it was a soft one, but when he began to speak again, he was just as stern as she had been to him. He was going to get whatever he had to say across to her one way or another. "I don't want to toy with you. I'm not trying to mess with your head and find a way to get you upstairs."

[/color] Letting out a soft sigh from his lips, he shook his head at her for a brief second. "I want... I want to prove to you I won't treat you like I've treated any other girls.[/color]

M U S I C , spanish news. don't ask.
S T A T U S , complete!
N O T E S , <3
C L O T H I N G , over here!!

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[december van buren]

December Van Buren had never thought she'd have to deal with a moment like this. When she'd thought about what would happen the first time she was falling for a boy (yes, sadly she was falling for Alex), she'd always thought that it would be someone respectable. The kind of guy that girls fawned over because he seemed like the perfect boyfriend. Not because he could turn on the charm whenever he wanted to. December knew Alex wasn't a terrible person, he'd proven himself to be nothing but a terrible boyfriend. This was why she knew she couldn't let herself fall any farther than she already had. The smart thing to do would be to grab the ledge while she still could and yank herself right back out of the hole. She didn't need anymore stress in her life at the moment. However, she had a feeling that this wouldn't be easy to do. Even if Alex was who he was, it didn't make the way she felt any different. Which was the most frustrating part. If she could just walk away and pretend she'd never known him, it wouldn't be so hard. But she couldn't. She was trapped inside of her own emotions. Emotions she'd never thought would betray her in such a way. December was the only person who had ever told Alexander Wyatt no. Was she really going to finally say yes? Was she going to give in to him when she'd fought so hard for so long? And what had he done to deserve it? Yes, he'd helped her out. Yes, he'd made sure she was alright. But that was just one day. One out of the many she'd known him. How could she be sure that more like it would follow?

This was her main concern. She was afraid that she would let him in, and he'd let her down. December may have been a strong person, but she didn't take betrayal well. Which was why she was so careful when it came to things like this. She wasn't sure how much disappointment she could handle. She was only human. And she knew that most of this was her fault. Maybe Alex hadn't intentionally lead her on, or maybe he had. Either way, she'd let herself get this far, and no one else could be blamed for it. Maybe she shouldn't have kissed him back. Maybe it would have just been better to pull away and slap him across the face for it. It wasn't like she was trying to send the wrong message. She didn't even know what she was trying to do. It was all confusing and she needed something to grasp on to to figure it all out. She may have been putting up a fierce front with Alex, but she was truly terrified. Terrified of him and of everything he could do to her if she let him. After the words left her lips, she waited rather impatiently for his answer. For a while, he did nothing but stare at her, and she didn't falter her gaze away from him. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. How would he reply to her? Would he lie and try to tell her what she wanted to hear? Or would he be honest, no matter how brutal the truth was? She made sure to keep eye contact with him so she could tell if he was lying or not. It had been one thing she was good at with him.

Finally, his lips parted for him to speak again. She was almost shocked by how soft his words were, but it didn't let her guard down. And after he paused, his words were firm. It was December's turn to sit in silence for a moment after he finished speaking. She studied him, looking for any sort of lie on his face. For the life of her, she couldn't find one. But that didn't mean he was being honest. This was the worst part about situations like this. You just couldn't be sure. "I want to believe you." She said. "But... why should I? You're practiced at telling a girl whatever you want her to hear. How should I know that you aren't just doing that with me?" She paused briefly. "How can you prove to me that you're telling me the truth?"

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: another heart calls - the all-american rejects
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: <333

[alexander wyatt.]

Alexander deserved anything and everything that he got thrown at him and he was fully aware of it. This wasn't going to be easy and he didn't even deserve for it to be easy in the first place. Alexander wasn't sitting there with his mind drowning in dozens of thoughts thinking that she was going to purposely make this difficult for him. But, he also knew that she had every right to ask questions and be suspicious about his actions. If he was in her shoes, he would be too. Reality of it all was that he could sit there for hours trying to convince her that he could be different for her, that he could be worth her time, that he could be worthwhile, but it probably wouldn't even make a bit of a difference. There was a contrast between saying you could be a certain way and showing that you could be a certain way and if Alexander went down that path, he would be all talk. He knew what he had to do. He had to prove to her that he could be different. It wouldn't take a few hours or one night, or else he would have already had this in the bag, but he had to do it. As he sat there talking and waiting for her response, he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere that night. All he could do right now was be one hundred percent honest with her and so far, he was at least doing a good job at that.

When December spoke, she said everything that he had been scared that she would say. She couldn't be more right and it showed in the way his expression dropped that he knew it. "You're right. You have no reason to believe me."

Still trying to roll with the honesty. It was the best policy, after all. "But, you aren't like the other girls, December."

[/color] He wanted to throw himself against a wall over and over again as soon as the words finished coming out of his mouth. Or at least just have someone throw a brick at him. The words sounded all too familiar coming out of his mouth. The only thing that changed it in the slightest was the name he tagged on at the end. It wasn't that he didn't mean it, because he did. But, it was bothering him how natural the words sounded to him. "Tell me. Tell me what I have to do to prove that I can change for you."[/color] His mind was racing around nonstop and his heart was still pounding at an irregular rhythm. The last thing he wanted to do was sound like he was feeding her a bunch of bullshit at that very moment. December didn't deserve that and that was exactly why he didn't plan on giving her any of that. It wasn't that any of the girls he had played his little game on deserved it, but he couldn't even think about doing that to December if she had given him this chance. Because if anyone really didn't deserve it, it was her. Not only did she already have a lot on her plate, but she just didn't need to get hurt. She had the right to be the happiest that she could be and Alexander wasn't going to be the guy to ruin that or stand in the way of that. If anything he wanted to lead her in that direction. Somehow.

It was Alexander's turn to force his gaze somewhere else and he moved his eyes down to the ground. For the first time since he had first shifted his body, he realized the television was still on and the sound of it was still gently playing in the background. "Because I can."[/color] He said suddenly as he looked back up at her. "I can change for you."[/color] Alexander wasn't sure what else he could say, but when he opened his mouth again, it all just started to pour out. "I know that me just saying it isn't going to do much.. and I sure as hell don't even deserve a minute of your time.. But, it was always you who thought I was 'different', right?.. Wasn't it you who thought that I really wasn't a bad person?"[/color]

M U S I C , nada.
S T A T U S , complete!
N O T E S , <3
C L O T H I N G , over here!!

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[december van buren]

It was terrifying to think that Alex was lying to her at this moment. But at the same time, it was terrifying if he was telling the truth. Maybe he did want to change. Maybe he even thought he could. But what if she gave him the chance to do so and then it blew up in her face? That, in itself, would be so much worse than him just trying to get a good lay out of her right now. So, really, him being honest was still bad. How had she ended up in this situation? How had they gone from friendly annoyances to... this? It was a big jump, especially for December. This may not have meant as much to Alex, but it did mean a lot to her. This was a life-changing situation and she wasn't sure what to do. She couldn't trust him. She wanted to. He had no idea how much she wanted to. Wouldn't it be so easy just to give in and let herself think that everything would be alright? Unfortunately, she just couldn't do that. Because really, what were the odds that everything would be alright? She wasn't sure, but she had a feeling that they were pretty low. It was so sad that she couldn't trust him like this. The one thing she found herself wishing she could trust him with the most. She could do it. She could give him her whole heart and he might even give his own in return. But for how long? How long until got bored with her or decided to start up his philandering ways again? How long until he broke her heart and didn't even care? This single thought was the one keeping her from just saying okay and going with it. She didn't want to get hurt.

As he spoke again, she was glad that he was at least agreeing with her. It meant he wouldn't be mad at her for feeling this way. At his second statement, she couldn't help but cringe slightly. How many times had he said that to other unsuspecting girls? And how many times had they believed him? Well, she wasn't going to fall for it. Not so easily. She was going to try and protect her heart as long as she could. She did notice, though, the look of discomfort on his face as he said it. Maybe he'd realized the same thing she'd realized. That he had said those worse way too many times for someone to believe them. She frowned when he spoke again. She hadn't been expecting that. "I... I don't know. Something!" She didn't know what she wanted him to do. This was all new to her. She didn't even know what she wanted herself to do. One thing was for sure, she needed time to think this over. She couldn't be making any decisions right now. She was too confused and too caught up in the moment. She might have ended up deciding on something she would come to regret. Alex then pressed on and she had no choice but to listen to him. He sounded so sincere, and so willing to do whatever it took to make her happy. This was what was causing her the most pain. The fact that it really did seem like he wanted to change for her. If he really did want to, she could let him. Maybe. If Alex really did want to change, it would be so much worse when she found out he hadn't.

December listened to him intently. He had a point. Him just saying it wasn't going to make it true. What he said next cause her to shake her head, slowly. "Oh, Alex. I don't think you're a bad person. But... there's a difference. You can be gentle and kind and even sincere. But can you really treat a woman the way they're supposed to be treated?" She gave a low sigh before standing up, slowly. She needed to leave, to be alone and sort all of this out. Maybe in time things would be easier. "For what it's worth, I want to believe you can do it. I just... I don't know yet. I need time." She turned around slowly and made her way to the door, opening it and pushing herself into the cool air of the day. She would drive home and she would figure this mess out. For both of their sake's.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: alexander wyatt / steff bby!
LISTENING TO: another heart calls - the all-american rejects
OUTFIT: this number
NOTES: a;dsjbngberg;ewbijgfe